There was a hell of a storm today.

Just about everyone I talked to said something like: "Oh, Poseidon
must be angry!" or "Poseidon must not have slept well last night!"

Early this morning, Calchas was shouting and throwing fish bones and empty crab shells into the water. -I guess he figured the King of the Sea wanted them back.

Whatever the reason for the storm, the rough waves busted up one of the Minyan ships that was sailing in today.

I spent the better half of the afternoon down at the beach, trying to salvage what wood we could. -No doubt, I am going to get sick.

Odysseus never stopped by.

Thankfully, Polites offered to help direct our Ithacan soldiers. For some reason, he thought the whole ordeal was fucking hilarious.

At one point, some poor Minyan saps were trying to get a donkey out of the wreck and into their rowboat. When a huge wave sent them and the donkey over, Polites almost fell down laughing.

I don't think it made for a good example in front of our struggling men.

Anyway, we did manage to get most of the lumber onto the beach.

The Minyans lost one guy.

Except for those of us battling the surf, the rest of the army stayed in their tents today.

When I got home, I found that Hermes had chewed through his tether. -The bastard ate one of my sandals.


Well, today concluded the Patroclus Honor Games.

There were a few events in the morning, including wooden-sword-dueling which ended in a battle between Diomedes another guy named Ajax, King of the Locrians. Diomedes won.

After this morning’s events were done, everyone gathered in the center of camp where Agamemnon and Achilles made speeches.

Agamemnon publicly kissed Achilles ass and thanked him once again for coming back. Achilles just rambled on for some time about Patroclus. -What he said didn’t really make any sense.

I guess public speaking is the one thing that Achilles doesn’t excel at.

Anyway, a big feast followed these speeches. -The celebration continued for the rest of the day.

Later, Odysseus brought Hermes by and asked if I could get some kind of special collar or something made for him. I jokingly suggested a winged helmet. He thought that it was a great idea.

I put in an order for one with Macar. -He just rolled his eyes and nodded.

We had a great time at the fire tonight. Polites, Misenus, Elpenor, Epieus, Macar, Diomedes and Odysseus were there. Achilles even stopped by for a while to thank Diomedes for organizing the games.

You should have seen the look on Epieus’ face when Achilles sat down. -I think he almost fainted when Achilles congratulated him for winning the boxing tournament.

Elpenor didn’t seem as impressed with Achilles. -He loudly excused himself while Achilles was still talking.

When it was pretty late, one of Diomedes Argosian pals, Sthenelus, stopped by and told Diomedes and Odysseus he found some ladies that wanted to meet them.

Odysseus left Hermes with me.

There's a goat standing in the corner of my tent right now. -He's chewing on a belt.


Today was a day of battles.

Wrestling is pretty big among us Achaeans, and a lot of guys entered the wrestling competition. The event began early this morning and went well into the evening. I think that there were more than six-hundred entrants.

Anyway, early this morning Polites, Misenus and I watched Odysseus wrestle in the first heat. He was pitted against this Minyan supply officer. I felt bad for the guy. The match didn’t last for more than two minutes, and I think Odysseus broke his ankle.

I don’t know what that Minyan guy was thinking.

After that, we headed over to the boxing competition. When we got there, Epeius was just finishing off his first opponent. Mother of Zeus, that guy is fast.

Epeius was matched with this burly Spartan guy that was almost twice his size. When we arrived, Epieus was tenderizing the poor guy’s face with a brutal efficiency. –The whole time Elpenor was cheering like a teenage girl.

Euryalus fought next. His opponent was a Corinthian archer. It was a long match. Euryalus had the advantage of size, but the archer was much more skilled. Finally brute strength won out and Euryalus put the Corinthian down.

We had lunch after that.

Following lunch, we headed back watch more boxing. As luck would have it, Epieus was matched with Euryalus in the second heat.

While the two were warming up, Elpenor was laughing and taunting Euryalus mercilessly. However, after seeing what Epieus had done to that Spartan, Polites, Misenus and I just left Euryalus alone. -We pitied him too much.

Euryalus was pulverized. It was kind of sick.

The match went much longer than it should have. Epieus was just drawing it out. Euryalus was fighting as hard as he could, but Epieus was just toying with him the entire time.

Every once in a while, Euryalus would get what looked to be a good hit, but it would invariably be followed by the quick pat-pat-pat of Epieus’ fist in his face.

Elpenor was enjoying it immensely. –Maybe a bit too much.

Anyway, Polites finally yelled: “Just finish it, Epieus!”

At that, Epieus looked at Polites, nodded, and planted about seven fast punches to Euryalus’ nose. –He dropped like a rock.

I don’t think that Euryalus is going to be doing Epieus impersonations anymore.

Epieus went on to win the boxing competition.

After Euryalus’ defeat, we headed back over to watch more wrestling. We stayed there the rest of the day.

Many of the commanders had entered the wrestling competition, and it was great to see so many big egos pitted against each other.

One of the best matches was between Ajax and the Pheraen King, Emelus. That match went on for the better part of an hour. Finally, Emelus was disqualified for biting Ajax’s foot.

However, the last battle was the most dramatic. -That one was between Odysseus and Ajax.

Some of the men thought the last match was a bit unfair. Ajax had recently wrestled in an extended match with Emelus, whereas Odysseus was able to finish his previous match quickly and had had some time to rest. -Either way, Ajax put up a hell of a fight.

I’ve been aware of the tension between Ajax and Odysseus ever since the conception of the Wooden Horse. However, when Odysseus accused Ajax of selling horses to the Trojans, their animosity became public knowledge.

Due to this tension, the match drew a large crowd. Due to the large crowd, both Ajax and Odysseus were determined to do their best.

It was an exciting fight. Both men are similar in stature, and neither seemed to maintain an upper hand for any length of time.

Each time the judge separated them after they tumbled out of the arena, both were very civil towards the other, bowing before they went at it again.

Still, their involuntary curses and the veracity of their fighting betrayed these niceties. It was obvious to everyone that each general wanted to kill the other.

After nearly an hour of struggling, Agamemnon stepped in and declared it a draw.

By that point, we had heard one of Ajax’s fingers snap, and Odysseus’ gushing nose had painted both of the men dark red.

I think Agamemnon made the right call.

Tomorrow is the last day of the Patroclus Honor Games.


Good fun.

Today started with a big breakfast feast and some announcements from Agamemnon that kicked off the Patroclus Honor Games.

Even though everyone knows these games are just a way to kiss Achilles ass and thank him for coming back, the entire army is very happy about it. -However, it’s strange. Although Achilles wanted these games, he isn’t competing in them.

Anyway, there were a handful of events today, everything from swimming to chariot racing.

The most entertaining competition of the day was the javelin throw. -This was because there were only two entrants: King Agamemnon and a lieutenant named Stentor.

Apparently, Stentor was the first to sign up for the event. Unfortunately for Stentor, Agamemnon was the second.

As no one in their right mind would willingly compete against the Commander-in-Chief, Agamemnon’s was the last name on the list.

It was hilarious.

The javelin toss was the first event scheduled, and nearly the entire army was watching.

Diomedes started it off with a very ceremonial announcement.

He said something like: “The first event of the Patroclus Honor Games is to be The Throwing of the Javelin! To take part in this honorable competition we have Agamemnon, King of Argos, Commander of the Achaeans! …As his opponent, lieutenant Stentor …of the Arcadians!

The men went wild. Many were cheering. Many were laughing.

Straws were drawn and Agamemnon had the first toss. It was pathetic. Although the Commander-in-Chief's javelin went straight and stuck into the ground, it couldn’t have gone more than fifteen meters.

Stentor’s problem was immediately obvious. It would be suicide to beat the Commander. However, Agamemnon had made it hard to lose.

As Stentor stepped up, the army fell silent.

When Stentor was handed his spear, Polites yelled: “Kick ass, lieutenant!”

Stentor winced. He took a few shaky steps, and he threw. -Stentor’s javelin fell just a few centimeters behind Agamemnon’s.

Diomedes immediately shouted: “Agamemnon, King of Argos, Commander of the Achaeans, is our Champion of the Javelin!

At that, the Commander-in-Chief yelled: “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

The crowd went wild again.

Stentor smiled meekly. -He looked a bit pale.

Anyway, there were several other events held today including archery, running, discus and the chariot race.

Meriones won the archery contest. Teucer came in second place.

Odysseus won the foot race. I have to say, the General is very fast on his feet. Something like fifty guys entered, and it wasn’t even close. You could tell that Odysseus was very pleased. He won a goat and named it Hermes. -Apparently, no one is allowed to eat Hermes.

Nestor didn’t ride in the chariot race. -Diomedes won it.

Polites got third place in discus. -They gave him a duck. We had it for dinner.

Odysseus and Hermes stopped by our fire tonight. He was in good spirits, and both he and Hermes drank a lot of wine.

Tomorrow is wrestling and boxing. -Those events should be interesting.


Today was pleasant enough.

The weather was nice, and the camp was abuzz with preparations for the Patroclus Honor Games. -That’s what they are calling them.

It might not be such a bad idea.

There are a bunch of events scheduled, and the men are very excited about it. -There is definitely a new air of optimism around camp now that Achilles has returned.

Diomedes and the Argosians are in charge of most of the planning for the Games, and today they set up tables where anyone could register for events.

Most of the generals signed up for one event or another. Unfortunately, that seemed to discourage a lot of the men of lower rank. No one wants to beat a general.

As a result, this will likely turn out to be an ego-fest for the army’s commanders.

Polites, Euryalus and I took a walk over to the sign-up tables this afternoon. I didn’t enter any of the competitions.

I suppose that it would be fun to try some archery, but a Cretan captain named Meriones and this Salamisian guy named Teucer had already signed up. These guys are two of our best archers, and they were standing around the table, acting like a couple of assholes. Meriones and Teucer were giving a hard time to anyone that added their name, and I didn’t really feel like dealing with it.

Polites signed up for the discus throw. -He is pretty good at it.

Looking at the lists, I saw Odysseus had registered for wrestling and running. Ajax’s signature was a few names below his in the wrestling competition. -I wonder if the General knows.

While we were there, we saw Nestor, arguing with some of the Argosian attendants. He thought there should be a debate event in the Games. The Argosians kept explaining that it was an athletic competition only, but Nestor wouldn’t hear any of it. The old guy just kept repeating: “A great soldier exercises his body and his MIND!”

Seeing that the Argosians wouldn’t budge, Nestor grew frustrated, and said “Fuck you, then! I’m signing up for the chariot race!” For the seventy year-old general, that would be suicide. The Argosians looked really stressed out. They didn’t want Nestor to sign up for a chariot race, but at the same time, they couldn’t just create a debate competition for him. –It was pretty funny to watch, but I sort of felt sorry for those guys.

Anyway, while we were watching the action, Elpenor and Epieus came up.

Seeing the two, Euryalus waved and called: “Hello Elpenor!” in one of his Epieus impressions.

Elpenor almost freaked, but Epieus grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the boxing registry.

Epieus signed his name and called to Euryalus: “Hey Euryalus, look, there is space for your name right below mine! Eur-y-al-us… how do you spell that?”

Polites and I started laughing, and Euryalus had little choice. He had to sign up. -Epieus might be a fop, but he's in very good shape. I think Euryalus might be in some trouble.

The rest of the day went by quietly.

There is a big funeral pyre for Patroclus down at the beach right now. Agamemnon and a bunch of the generals are making speeches in his honor.

They have a pig roast too, but I didn’t really feel like going.


Mother of Zeus. -The drama.

Odysseus dropped by this morning to tell me that we are going to have some kind of athletic-tournament-funeral for Patroclus.

He then related a very strange story:

Apparently, Agamemnon intended to have a regal homecoming for Achilles yesterday evening. -However, that party never took place.

Odysseus said that before the party, Agamemnon left Achilles within his own personal bathing tent, to be retained by a large host of beautiful women.

However when Agamemnon and a group of generals came to retrieve him, Achilles was no where to be found. After a search, they found Achilles on the beach, clutching Patroclus’ unearthed corpse.

Diomedes felt terrible, and falling to his knees, he begged Achilles for forgiveness.

In response, Achilles tossed a human head into Diomedes lap and said: “You’re welcome.”

It’s true.

I guess that Achilles was clean long before dinner, and despite the protests of his bathing companions, he went off in search of Patroclus.

However, once Achilles found that Patroclus’ tent was gone, he panicked and stormed off to Diomedes’ tent to get answers.

Diomedes wasn’t there. -He was with Agamemnon, preparing for the feast.

However, Achilles did happen upon Diomedes’ lady-friend Cressida, -being serviced by a Trojan named Troilus.

In an exchange for Troilus’ life, Cressida promptly told Achilles that Patroclus was dead and buried.

Unfortunately for Troilus, Achilles didn't think that news of Patroclus’ death made for a good trade.

Anyhow, Odysseus said that there was a lot of drama at Patroclus’ grave.

Diomedes related to Achilles the death of Patroclus, and in turn, Achilles told Diomedes of the infidelity of Cressida.

Although Achilles wanted to immediately attack the Trojans, Diomedes begged Achilles to postpone his revenge, and pledged to first hold a hero’s funeral for Patroclus.

Perhaps because he felt bad for Diomedes, Achilles accepted, and suggested that it be an athletic competition.

These funeral games start the day after tomorrow.

-I don’t even know what to say.